Moxie for Life

Melf

For the past month+ I have been living real life. I have been going to the gym 4-5 times a week and eating pretty general food. Nothing hardcore and probably not anywhere near things that Tony would be happy with. I had to stop my Tony training due to financial issues, with property taxes and Christmas coming, well, ya know. I haven’t mentioned it for fear that the Diva’s would disown me.

So it comes to this, I had pretty much set my mind that I would not compete until well into next year, like October, if at all. I just think the hardcore dieting messes with my mind too much and I need my mind to do my job well.  I would love to overcome the mind issue.  For sure that is my weakest muscle.

In the mail yesterday was a packet of flyers for all the shows in the beginning of 2008. Now, I’m feeling the urge to go for it again, in MARCH! The closest I can come as to why I am changing of mind is that I LOVE the shape I’m in for competing. I just don’t know if that is a good reason. I really want to be satisfied with an off season body, albeit a little squishy. I know I’m building muscle. I’m lifting like a maniac. But is that enough? What else can push me to be in great shape like that?

I was thinking that my hubby and I would do a triathlon together, but I ‘m not sure if  that will happen.

Right? But it is so dang good. The right balance of sweet and salty, and it has PUMPKIN for goodness sakes! I don’t want to toss it. After all, I did use the low sugar yellow cake…so that’s good. Yes?

My gym attendance has been more miss than hit lately. I am just so overwhelmed with work lately.  Holiday Boutique, progress reports, Science projects need to be well underway before Christmas…and the never ending pile of work to be graded and entered. I’m becoming more and more of a “no homework” proponent. I’m guessing the main instigator of THAT plan was a teacher that had had her fill of correcting crap. I have to admit that I liked my job a lot more when it wasn’t a financial necessity. But, the peace of my home is worth it. I have to keep reminding myself of that.

I’m so beat. I’m going to bed with my Ambient Rain for Sleep and Relaxation mp3.Yeah, not much rain happening here. It is so soothing. Of to dreamland.

Two Apples, 1 stalk of celery, two handfuls of spinach, 1 cucumber, juice of one lemon, sliver of ginger and i was supposed to put in a few sprigs of parsley, but forgot. It’s pretty tasty. More veggies than I’ve had in awhile. Try it…but use a juicer if you have one. I used the “juicer” with my magic bullet and it has a lot of pulp. It didn’t quite work right. I still like it.

I got my stevia yesterday.  No one told me it was 1000 times sweeter than anything else. The first time I used it I put two droppersful in my coffee. Whoa! TOOOOO much. Today I put half of a dropper in, it was still too sweet. I’ll get it right tomorrow…but you know the best part? No GAS! I have had so much trouble with all the artificial stuff and drving my family crazy with the after effects. Nothing today! Woo HOO!

Thanks everyone who suggested it!

1. I can make a mean cinnamon toast.
2. I love snickerdoodles.
3. I have never been to Knotts Berry Farm.
4. I secretly like Wham! (not so secret anymore, I  guess?)
5. I have a weird obsession with lip gloss. I buy more when I know I don’t need it.

I  tag…Elizabeth

Pumpkin Butter.

I have some weird obsession with everything pumpkin right now.  It’s comforting I guess. I had apples sauteed in it tonight over vanilla ice cream. I have these emotional eating moments of late. I’m not happy with that.

I think I have a new plan though. Something is brewing. I’ll share when it becomes more clear.

Thanks for all of your amazing comments. xoxo

The wagon is dragging me. I’m trying to get on. HELP! I have resumed about 50/50 clean eating, which is not really very good. My goals are fuzzy. Where do I go from here? I know that just getting to the show was a victory. I never really shared them but there were about three things that seriously challenged me to quit, and I didn’t. In that, I won. But I still want to take the trophy.

Hubby and I are thinking of doing a triathlon together as a relay. Eh. I just want magically bigger muscles. I still love lifting and all, just feeling a little lost. I do not want to be the girl that has to have a show to keep in shape. I think that is why IF I compete again it will be in a year. I want to be fit and healthy because I like it and it’s what is best for me and my family. I’m sick of feeling guilty about food.

I do know that one issue I have is sweeteners. Stupid, I know. I love Splenda. Splenda gives me gas. Equal doesn’t give me gas, but kicks in all the cravings. I have tried Agave and don’t like it. I’m going to try Stevia today. We’ll see.

On the good news side, someone said my arms looked bigger. Not many people understand, but that makes me swell with pride. This year HAS done something.

Here is my goal for the next year, other than the obvious muscle gains, to get the people who think this is ridiculous, to be supportive on the point that I have stuck with this for a long time. I have a short attention span. I change from one thing to the next. I’m proving that I can do something, ONE thing, and do it well.

I think this post is messy and confusing but, whatever. I’m messed up and confused. And I am full from whole wheat, flax, blueberry, walnut pancakes. I’ve gotta start being honest. I don’t want to be one that has to post my food everyday, but maybe I should.

See what I mean? Come on, someone pull me up on the wagon again.