Moxie for Life

I swiped this from a post on a forum, which I think is bad blog form, but I didn’t know how else to get it here. Enjoy!
HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION

Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong
life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and
that’s it… Don’t waste them on exercise . Everything
wears out eventually. Speeding upyour heart will not make
you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of
your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take
a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and
vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a
cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these?
Vegetables. So a steak isnothing more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to
your system. Need grain? Eat chicken.
Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
vegetable). And a pork chop can gi! ve you 100% of your
recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is
distilled wine, that means they take the water
out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the
goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain.
Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your
ratio is one to one.
If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in
a regular exercise program?

A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy
is: No Pain…Good!

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?

A:You’re not listening….Foods are fried these days
in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it.
How could getting more vegetables be bad fo! r you?< BR>
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.
You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable.
It’s the best feel-good food around!!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales
to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! ‘Round’ is a shape! !

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions
you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the
intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well
preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways -
Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body
thoroughly ! used up , totally worn out and screaming,
WOO HOO, What a Ride

This entry was posted on Saturday, March 24th, 2007 at 3:05 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.